Humor Tickles My Bones and Spirit

Aries:  Control is hugely successful and needed when facing the computer generated voice messaging.  Makes me swear at it. It won’t answer me!!  So I just scream bloody murder at it.  That is dealing with the external world. I know you experience it, too. It can’t talk back to me!  Internal control is worse; it is like, you know, as easy to control as the ocean.

Garfield:  Ever read the newspaper and ask yourself, “What is this world coming to”?  This awakens Garfield from a peaceful nap.  He thinks: (Cats don’t talk you idiot!) Just so it isn’t doing it here.

Blondie:  The boys are getting the car loaded to go play golf. Elmo comes along and calls out, Don’t forget to bend your knees, Mr. B.  I won’t, Elmo.  In the car, Dagwood gets queried: You’re taking golfing tips from a kid?  That kid happens to be the three-time miniature golf champion of our whole neighborhood!

Pickles:  Did you get the results of your DNA test?  Nope. No?  What’s the problem?   The truth is I have no ancestry. I was bred in a secret lab somewhere in Nevada.  My dad was a test tube and my mom was a petri dish.

Hagar:  Helga, I am finished! I’m good for another six months. Should I empty the tub?  Yes, I haven’t time for a mud bath!

Dilbert:  Manager terminates Dilbert because of company policy which states I have to fire the bottom 10% of workers. Hey, I was in the upper half, boss.  You were until I fired those below you. Can you see a problem with your system?  Yes, it’s exhausting to no end!

Beetle Bailey:  It’s funny…I always think of the world as a beautiful place to live in until I get to the 18th hole.  The general takes in the whole scene of that day’s effort on the approach:  cacti, crock in the pond, skull of a bull, crow in a tree, trees and bushes. It is like a mine field!

Pearls Before Swine:  Buenas tardes, senores.  What would like to order? Nothing.  You just ate three free bowls of chips. Si. This is not how this works.  We’re exploiting a loophole in the Mexican Restaurant  paradigm.  More chippos por favor.

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