Humor is Catching so Laugh It Up

Aries –  It’s easy for me to take people where they want to go. The trouble is that today they don’t want to go to the places that are good for them to be. Your job is harder than usual, but far from impossible.

BridgeAvoidance is the technique of preventing a dangerous defender from gaining the lead.  True in chess, too.

Jump Start –  A dark movie theatre can generate horrors and not only on the screen. Two love birds find seats in the back most romantic. “Best date night we’ve had honey! I agree!  You’ve been so charming and romantic.  So smooth, it’s like you’re an entirely different man!  Suddenly from behind: “Who’s this guy you’re cuddling up with?”

Blondie –  Dagwood answers the door to find Elmo and company having finished shoveling Mr. and Mrs. B’s walk and driveway.  Wait, what’s this annual rollover surcharge, Elmo?  Oh, I copied that from our cable bill…I think it covers my online invoice costs.  Dagwood pays Elmo and retreats into the house and shows the bill to Blondie. $17.95 plus tax for Elmo’s Extreme Snow Shoveling?!? Dagwood!!  “Yeah, but I got him to knock off the $3.00 shovel depreciation charge!”

Pickles –  Remember my friend Elsie?  She’s not inviting herself again, is she?  No. It is worse.  She died last month. It is in the obit this morning.  I remembered borrowing a book from her and I never returned it.  Now, no matter what I do, I’m forever a book thief.  That’s easy to remedy, dear. Make me a toasted cheese sandwich and I won’t rat you out.

Hagar –  Hagar! I’ve been talking to you for 10 minutes and you haven’t been listening! What makes you say that?  Because you never listen to me without interrupting!

Dilbert –  Did you threaten to kill Donald?  He accused me of being a terrorist.  Are you? Gaaa!!  I just want to blow up this whole building.  Um…I need to make a call.  It better not be about me!! (to be continued?!).

Beetle BaileyIt’s a long trip, Zero, so bring along your cell phone.  I’ve looked all over for it but can’t find it.  But I got a great idea, Sargeant!  I’ll ring that number and maybe we’ll get it’s whereabouts.

Peanuts –  I’m placing an order for a new piano.  I got to write the insurance company but I am puzzled as to how to explain a tree eating up my piano.

For Better Or For Worse –  I love you Sis but you get too wrapped up in my personal affairs.  Ill get married when I’m ready.  I’ll look at houses when I’m ready.  I’ll quit smoking when I’m ready.  Just stop telling me what to do!!  OK.  From now on I’ll just make suggestions! EEEEKKKK!!!

Shoe –  Little did I know when I married Mr. Right he’d turn out never to be Mr. Wrong.

Fred Basset –  The Mr. and Mrs. went out to dine and forgot to fill Fred’s dish with his supper.  We’re home, Fred!  Oh!  I knew we forgot to leave Fred his supper.  I bet he was not happy about that!  Fred puts his two paws on top of the lazy boy chair back and just picture what he must be thinking.  (No.  I’m  a little miffed to say the least, and more–REALLY PISSED ABOUT IT!!!!

Thought of the Day –  When a man strikes a rich vein of gold, he may well earn the title of “Bullion-Aire”.

That’s All Folks!!



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